ScratchPad Blog Blog

The Morality of Golf...?

2010-04-10T00:30:00.001-06:00

Let Tiger win, if he can. Why not? The last I checked golf was not a good metaphor of morality, and doesn't really fit the model of a good life. And, if it does, I don't understand golf.

Win or lose it is this guy's livelihood. Let him play without comment. Besides, doesn't morality state you should probably keep your balls out of other people's holes, and keep your putter in your pants, which are two examples of how good golf isn't to be played.

My Caucus Meeting Education

2010-03-24T22:20:00.003-06:00

I mistakenly thought the purpose of the caucus was to settle the precinct on one candidate for each elected position. I thought this was how the precinct's delegates knew who to vote for at the party conventions, sort of like a tiny Electoral College. Instead, the purpose of the caucus is to just elect the delegates. To this end I did not consider the notion that a delegate might ignore the wishes of her caucus and vote her own "conscience".

I learned that you go to your caucus meeting to participate in nominating and electing delegates whom you stand a good chance of at least knowing well. Once the delegates are elected by a simple majority of those in attendance you magically know who your neighborhood's delegates are, then you know who you need to talk to about which candidate you want them to vote for at the convention.

Since everyone couldn't possibly go the the party's convention your delegates must "represent" your vote at these meetings. It takes a bit of faith, to be sure. However, if you don't participate in your precinct's caucus meeting you forfeit your opportunity to exercise your most basic democratic right in helping form your government. This is why the United States isn't a democracy, at least outside of the caucus meeting, it is a representative republic. Neither are your state and local governments true democracies, because there is always some degree of faith in representation present in their operation.

It is sad when we can't trust our government. I hope by my writing what I learned last night at my caucus meeting you will now have the tools you need to build a more representative and responsible government, a government you can be proud of.

twitter victim

2010-02-18T21:21:00.001-07:00

I finally did it. I caved. @adamknighton... tah-weeet.

The Last Bath in the White House

2010-02-02T22:06:00.012-07:00

As you may or may not know, and depending on who you ask, the White House has a rather spacious master bath.

Why, you may be asking yourself, does the White House need such a large and spacious master bath? Well, do you remember President William H. Taft? If you do, then you'll have some clue as to why President Woodrow Wilson had the President's master bath renovated and enlarged in his honor.

In fact, the room is so large now you can sit a 54 piece orchestra in there right between the tub and the linen closet. It's only a good softball's throw from the toilet and bidet to the other side of the room, but I tell you, the acoustics are phenomenal, and President Wilson took full advantage.

Wilson, it's written, would get up each morning and burst out ballad after folk ballad to the accompaniment of the White House's Orchestra, as he lay comfortably in the over-sized tub that might have saved Taft's life, if he'd had one.

Fortunately, this little known tradition of Presidential "shower" ballads continues to this day, each President adding his own personal touch to the experience. For example, Nixon would warble almost uncontrollably, as if he were having an epileptic fit. LBJ, on the other hand, would hum quietly and inauspiciously. Kennedy had his bad back, which tightened up if he sang, so he hardly sang at all.

Eisenhower and Truman were warblers like Nixon used to be, but not quite as aggressive.

FDR didn't appreciate the orchestra, preferring the phonograph instead. Still, his voice would sound out like fine chocolate to scent the air each and every morning.

Hoover was a baritone, who liked to sing falsetto as he lathered himself. One morning, the White House Press secretary, George Akerson, walked into ear shot and mistakenly thought a teenage boy was using the facilities and must have been hurt, requiring medical assistance. This turned out to be one of the more embarrassing moments for President Hoover.

President Calvin Coolidge would bring in cabaret singers and just mouth the words while pretending to sing the songs himself. It was he who popularized the term, lip-sync. He used the term as an example of his laissez-faire style and general attitude toward life and the Federal Government.

Harding, unfortunately, never used the master bath for bathing, preferring instead to use the sink in the bathroom just off the Oval Office.

Since Nixon, President Ford would insist the White House Orchestra trade instruments amongst themselves, and would appear to delight in the confusion, quietly laughing to himself as he read the morning paper.

Carter had a jukebox and disco balls installed in 1978. He wasn't one to limit himself to the classics.

Reagan kept his entire equestrian and livestock menagerie in the master bath for the first five years of his presidency. Finally, in the spring of 1986, First Lady Nancy Reagan had the mess moved back to the ranch in California, and made the room her personal spa and Astrological meditation area.

President George H.W. Bush also differed to his wife the honor of using the master bath with exclusivity. Mrs. Bush, you guessed it, a warbler.

Clinton, well, let's just say he lit a lot of cigars up there when Hillary wasn't around.

George W. Bush, in the summer of 2002, stopped using the master bath suddenly. In White House transcripts President Bush is quoted as saying to his Chief of Staff, Karl Rove, "...I spent the entire night up there looking for the f**king light switch. It's damned creepy in there with out the light on. I'm never going back in there, no matter how bad I gotta pee."

And that brings us to our current president--President Obama.

President Obama has a great baritone voice. In fact, he's so enamored with his ability to sing in the bath tub, with the orchestra, as Wilson had intended, that he invited a recording to be made for the White House archive.

Here he is singing "The First Thing You Know", from the 1960's Broadway smash, Paint Your Wagon. President Obama...

President Carter's Teeth

2009-09-02T08:54:00.005-06:00

When I was in second grade President Carter was fighting for re-election. I remember a couple things about that election cycle. I remember going with my parents to someone's home, so they could vote. That's the only time I specifically remember my parent's voting. But what I remember most about that election cycle was my best friend Brent showing me how to make Carter's teeth with an elastic band. We laughed and laughed.

"How goofy President Carter's teeth look, they are sooooo goofy, you can easily represent the general look of them with an elastic band!"

Of course, we were so insightful and eloquent....

Amazing how those are the only personal memories (memory) I have of President Carter. Other than this, perhaps, the President was a benign older gentleman with bad teeth and a funny accent?

Anyway, the point I'm getting at is why in the H-E-double hockey sticks is the President of the United States more important an institution for a child to serve than the Republic, or the boy or girl sitting next to her, or even her own best interests? Why is it okay for my kid to be encouraged in PUBLIC school to think of ways to help or serve the President of the United States? Help him with what exactly? Serve him to what end, I wonder? Is it really about encouraging kindergartners to stay in school, or is it more about a child's positive recollection later in life of a past President? While at the same time, mind you, it is unreasonable or inappropriate for my kid to look up to this nation's flag, stand at attention, hand over heart, being lead every morning in reciting the Pledge of Allegiance? That sacred oath has been replaced by this, the most unassuming yet grossest of vanities and deceptions I've ever heard out of the Federal Government. The idea alone is like Carter's teeth and that elastic band, simply and irresponsibly childish and naive; oh, but infinitely more dangerous. Thank heaven Carter stayed in the Middle East and not in my class room.

Maybe I'm more sensitive now that I have school aged children, but I juxtapose my experience over there's and I don't like the mismatches I see. It took six years of elementary school Social Studies, and the example of my parents to make me a patriot. Will my kids ever know what being obligated to defend liberty and justice for all requires? Will they learn of the great character and sacrifices of our founding fathers, and the men and women who died, so we can eat chiknugits and laugh with our 2 year old daughter as she learns to speak without fear of punishment for how she speaks or what she says.

I feel sometimes, especially lately, that I'm now living in some badly produced Sci-fi mini-series. The gaul, suggesting to kids they somehow serve the President. He's Constitutionally bound to serve them, and all of us, we owe him nothing, but our respect when he's carrying out his elected duties.

Thankfully, in this country, servitude is optional, and you don't have to be bound by any notion or obligation of thought or idea unless you subscribe of your own free will and choice, and by God, we don't have to stand for this kind of "suggested" lesson plan from any President.

What's next, for crying out loud?

Cheshire-Puss

2009-08-14T20:07:00.003-06:00

"'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'

"'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.

"'I don't much care where--' said Alice.

"'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.

"'--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.

"'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.'"

Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

I Try To Stay Silent

2009-08-06T22:14:00.007-06:00

How can I? How can I remain silent when I have seen the tragedy of socialized health care with my own eyes?

I lived and served the common man in pre-Devolved, socialist Scotland for two years. I served an honorable mission for the LDS church. I met many people who professed socialist ideology as a means to affect revolution on the English, and they got it. At least the rape was abated, but the collective, emotional scars remain to this day, and the Scots are really no better off.

In that time of my life I remember waiting for hours on end with one single mother as she waded the human tide at a Council run health clinic in Beith trying to see a doctor about her child's ear infection. She was very grateful for the Priesthood blessing my companion and I was able to give. And, so we waited with her too. Would have anyway, but you may know how it is when you are a young missionary. Missionaries give a lot of blessings and a lot of their time.

Oh, you might think that probably happens in the US too. But you need to understand that there are no appointments to be had for the masses under socialized health care. You can't sit at home and see if things improve, knowing that if they didn't you could just call the doctor's office in the morning for an appointment sometime later that day. No, you have no choice but to take your sick kid as soon as possible to the clinic and wait your turn with all the other infectious people waiting their turn, and pray the wait isn't quite as long as the last time.

Another experience actually made me understand old age in ways I never would have understood any other way. We went to a "rest home" in Cumbernauld. I had been in country for maybe six weeks and had never considered places like it existed, let alone could exist.

The smell, the dim light, and Scotland is dim most of the time anyway, and the 20x30 foot room lined nearly all the way around, and on couches and chairs in the middle with people mumbling to themselves, drooling, toothless, sleeping upright as if dead already, but even awake they were either horribly riddled with Alzheimers or very sedated. Fortunately, they had a TV, and for a time, Elder Stott and me to break up the monotony. Looking back, this was the point in their lives when all society felt they owed any of them was a comfortable death.

Have you ever seen Soylent Green, or Logan's Run, or THX1138. You may not think these kinds of societies could possibly exist, but in an Animal Farm kind of way elements of this fiction will become non-fiction if the people of this Great and Free land let socialized health care come to fruition.

In Aberdeen (it was Falkirk, actually), we would frequently bump in to a guy in his late 20s at the bus station. He was employed at a restaurant and he was always happy to see us. One day he had just been to the clinic. He was a heroin addict and a convicted criminal. The terms of his probation included staying out of trouble or the heroin alt. methadone therapy cycle would end and he'd have to go back to prison without his heroin.

He showed us his neatly arranged vials of methadone and his needles. He was very happy to stay out of trouble and spoke very highly of his government issued drugs. I guess it was cheaper to manufacture the drugs and keep this kid addicted and out of trouble than to incarcerate him and rehabilitate him. Society had decided to simply trade one type of bondage that could end for one that would probably never end.

Oh, but look at how productive and happy he is. Have you ever seen the movie Trainspotting? When drugs become the only reason to do anything, that's when the best things of your life begin to leave you. It's easy for witnesses to put up blinders and walk on. Addiction is bondage, and state run addiction is the most sinister form I think there can be, because it is done with the illusion of "the greater good" or something like that. As if it were some ultra-clean way to deal with a difficult problem.

Make no mistake, freedom takes diligence and the willingness to pay attention, and speak-up from time to time. And you'd better believe there is a war raging in our country, and if you're LDS you have a unique perspective on the last days as it pertains to this country and its founding documents. This is why Glenn Beck is such a freak'n fanatic. He doesn't want to see the day when our Constitution hangs by a thread, but what we all know is that day is only mere months away and at this rate certainly not years away.

I would suggest, that if you haven't picked a side on this issue yet, you had better soon. There is no reason to expect our government would be able to administer socialized medicine any more effectively or "cleanly" than those governments that have been engaged in the practice for many years.

The Wrong Black Guy

2009-06-25T21:55:00.004-06:00

When I was ten, Michael Jackson's music finally made its way to Cache Valley in Utah. My 5th grade elementary school teacher actually introduced me, but that's a story for a different time.

For Christmas 1983 I asked my parents for Thriller--and what to my wondering eyes should appear Christmas morning in my stocking? Lionel Richie's Can't Slow Down.

To this day I accuse my parents of not being able to figure out which black guy's album I wanted, and of course they picked the wrong one.

Fortunately, however, Lionel's music was a fine substitute, and probably helped me become the connoisseur of music that I am today, in a round about sort of way.

Last year, Ciria bought me my first copy of Thriller. I guess I didn't really need it as bad as my ten year old self had thought.

Anyway, I would feel quite comfortable saying Michael Jackson possessed the same feel for the music and entertainment requirements of his time as Mozart or Beethoven or Elvis had for theirs. The world lost a remarkable genius today. He was every bit as flawed and or damaged as any in of his predecessors. Can we not praise and adore the fruits of his labor, and yet ignore the sour grapes of his behavior? I think for today I can, how about you?

After all, to die on the same day as Farrah Fawcett. What a sly dog!

So, goodbye, Mr. Jackson, and Farrah too. Enjoy your stay on that island for entertainers and wealthy people who convincingly, or unconvincingly, fake his or her own death, to live out the rest of his or her "natural" lives in a fully catered Paradise on Earth away from the public's glaring eye.

Ciria hates it when I bring up that conveniently hidden island located somewhere in the Indian Ocean, that has remained a secret for hundreds, if not thousands of years.

Unconventional union confusion expected as analog TV broadcasts end

2009-06-12T07:59:00.009-06:00

by ADAM KNIGHTON, Orem Standard Post Technology Writer - Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:00AM MDT

The change to digital, over-the-air television broadcasts has given some viewers the impression that they can marry their television sets.

"When you're alone like me, that's my partner," Patricia Segue, 83, said about her TV.

"You're going to be up all night watching TV now," volunteer installer Rick Angles told her.

Volunteers were out in droves this past week helping individuals worried about losing their TV background noise prepare their TVs for the upgrade, which left many television set owners feeling the desire to extend life long vows of commitment and fidelity to their most dedicated, hardworking household appliances.

"When we left Patricia's home, she was so enamored by the results of the digital conversion she nearly knocked her television set off the TV tray to hug and kiss Judge Joe Brown. It was kind of disturbing, but inspiring at the same time," Rick said with a tear welling up in his eye.

After her converter box was installed, Segue marveled how digital broadcasts seemed more lifelike and gave her more channels — about 15 instead of the three she was used to.

"Who wouldn't want to be wed to someone or something who gives you so much unconditional love and attention, day after day," Segue stated. "Good heavens, if homosexuals, polygamists, cat and dog owners can marry whomever they want, why shouldn't I be allowed marry my TV!?"

A growing number of politicians and government experts are coming forward this morning stating that a life long barrage of sexual messages in the media has somehow lead many folks to believe the digital conversion is some sort of sanction of human/appliance unions. They warn that if the trend continues other types of unconventional unions will need recognition if government programs are going to keep up with the needs of an ever diverse and bizarre electorate.

"This is a welcome and refreshing bit of regulatory blowback," Carl Saive, of the Centers for Same Sex and Other Unions, gave in a written statement. "It is about time we extend the same rights to other unions that other unions have enjoyed for so long in our society."

Recent survey results reveal that roughly 2 million US households are ill prepared for the digital conversion happening today. Many high power television stations will keep a "night light" analog broadcast going for a few more weeks to give instruction on how late comers can gain the same chance at happiness that more conventional people have enjoyed for millennia.

My Big Problem

2009-05-28T19:57:00.000-06:00

"And every time I've betrayed myself, I've seen myself in certain self-justifying ways.... The result is that over time, certain of these self-justifying images become characteristic of me. They're the form my boxes take as I carry them with me into new situations."

"Leadership & Self-Deception," The Arbinger Institute, Inc., Copyright 2000

T4 Spoiler Alert

2009-05-22T21:24:00.003-06:00

Recently saw T4.

How in the heck did they get Arny to look so awesome! Well, I guess if a 70 year old Harrison Ford can look and act 50 again in order to play Indian Jones, I guess there's enough motivation in Hollywood for Arny to step it up a notch in his workout routine. Nevertheless, I thought going in that it would just be another corny cameo like he pulled in T3--you laugh, he was in the entire movie--but, in this one they did a great job preserving the mystique and the physique of the T-800. But, that was small potatoes compared to the other stuff.

First the positive.

I am a connoisseur, of sorts, of military hardware. I just love the Thunderbolt. If ever there was motivation to expand the A-10 program to defeat an advanced, mechanized enemy, this movie should seal the deal in Washington. Forget about paying for climate change. Of course, using that logic, we will also need more armor plated, snowplow, tow trucks in the Army's arsenal as well; but I digress, when Transformers II comes out in June, I can definitely see Obama spending more on A-10s and C-130 gunships in 2010, because they are just so friggen cool!

I liked Christian Bale as John Connor--he actually shows us how John Connor gets that nasty scar on his cheek. I thought I'd go to my grave wondering how this kid got such a nasty ouwee on his face. Truth be told, I actually went to see the movie, because I trust Bale's judgment in scripts.

Bale held his own even though the part more or less played him. Still, no matter the actor, the T2 rules had to apply in this movie, because that was what T3 lacked. T3 was a farce! So, on one hand it was refreshing to see the franchise return to its true self, on the other hand, it was like a grown man saying AWESOME all the time, because in his youth that was the go to word for describing great tasting hot dogs, as well as the gravitational pull of the sun. His vocabulary never developed even though his knowledge and experience grew. Put less cryptically, you hear some familiar lines. In the writer's defense, however, they had to show us the genesis of some of these phrases.

One question in my mind was how they were going to handle the Sarah Connor Chronicles. Skynet only states that they were never able to get John by working in the past.

I'm sure there's more, but suffice it to say, I liked it.

The negative.

So, what's with Skynet anyway? They eventually will make a machine that can synthesize any solid form at will, but they can't figure out how to make metal sound like a beating heart? I guess they aren't audio experts. They had to create a cyborg in the past, send him to the future in order to surreptitiously, or more likely serendipitously, bring John and Kyle to Skynet to be killed. Then, the cyborg turns out to be the Tin Man. That's just goofy. I always appreciate the Matrix for giving us smart, well organized machines that actually are interested in self preservation.

Is This It?

2009-05-21T21:12:00.006-06:00

This is perhaps the most poignant scene in "Weird" Al Yankovic's movie, UHF.

Some people think it's a metaphor for man's struggle to understand women.

Well, sorry, it is actually ironic.

This scene demonstrates the quality of a system or relationship where it may appear to the participants that they are working together to bring about the desired result, but the outside observer knows that the system or relationship will never bring about the desired result, no matter how much the participants or observer really wish it would. Hence, the irony.

This irony is situational irony. "Situational irony is the disparity of intention and result: when the result of an action is contrary to the desired or expected effect." The blind man might think he knows what the intended result should be, but it is unlikely in the extreme that his actions will ever yield the desired result. The tragedy is the observer would really like to hear the poor man answer, "Yep!" But, alas, he never will.

This is what Adam does when he can't sleep.

2009-05-18T23:42:00.002-06:00

"This town needs an enema!"

The First Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality...

2009-05-15T21:23:00.002-06:00

I want this guy to teach my kids!

2009-05-07T20:37:00.002-06:00

I was mesmerized by this guy's presentation. Take a look.

(Immature Content. Viewer Discretion Advised.)

Adam Now Knows the Difference...

2009-05-04T21:04:00.006-06:00

Adam now knows the difference between Dane Cook and Ryan Reynolds.

A Funeral Card I've Been Working On

2009-05-01T12:38:00.010-06:00

This will be the message on the inside of the card:

My deepest condolences for you and your family
at your mother's passing.

For, strange it is, a loved one's passing;
Stranger still, her absence.

May her absence be filled with familiar memories,
And the fondness found in gladness.

This will be the image on the front of the card:

2009-04-18T22:06:00.000-06:00

I Love Being a Dad

2009-04-10T22:24:00.004-06:00

There are few things in this life better than having children around. Oh sure, there's the tremendous effort and herculean restraint of raising them, but every now and then they say something or do something that just blows you away. Somehow they say or do something that just sucks you in and makes you love them even if you can't possibly stand the rest of their behavior. I think it's a survival technique nature came up with to prevent parents from trying to send them back.

Anyway, I've had this for a while, and I don't think it's in distribution any more, so I put it here for friends and family to see.

I think all the dads out there will agree, this seems very familiar.

Adam is Upset!

2009-01-13T16:34:00.002-07:00

Adam never liked the story problems in math and science classes. He was never really good at figuring them out. So, it's odd that he just realized today that his entire post baccalaureate career has been one story problem right after the other. His job-- solve story problems; that is what he does for a living. For a few minutes he was really depressed at this notion. Then, he thought a little more about it, and discovered that life is just like math and science classes. Yes, the length and breadth of his combined higher brain activity is engaged in solving one galactic sized story problem. The good news is, so is all your brain activity, too.

Wait, that sounds just like Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. We are all engaged in formulating the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything for which the answer we already know is 42. So, the purpose of life is not to answer story problems; though, this is important-- it is to help write the story problem that will yield the answer we already know.

Adam feels so much better.

The Earth can explode now, all is well.

Adam's 2008 Santa Wish List

2008-12-15T21:22:00.014-07:00

Okay, I have a short list of some things I have always wanted, and some new things I just discovered I wanted, or needed, each item must be under $15,000. Here's my wish list to Santa this year.

2009 Honda Fit

Base Price (MSRP): $14,750.00

The Braun 360 Complete Shaver with Clean and Renew System

Price: $149.99

16" Meade LX200-ACF Telescope
Price: $14,999

Tamiya Dark Impact Off-Road Buggy

Your Selected Kit

Tamiya Dark Impact 4WD Kit

Your Selected Battery

DuraTrax Piranha 6-Cell 7.2V 1900mAh NiCd Flat Std Plug

Your Selected Charger

Tower Hobbies AC/DC Digital Peak Charger w/LCD

Your Selected Radio/Servos

Futaba 3GR-FS 2 Stick Tx R603FF 2.4GHz & Futaba S3003 Servo Standard

Price of Combo You Have Configured: $464.14

Moosebutter's Star Wars via John Williams & Warner Bros Music

2008-11-15T14:14:00.002-07:00

Get Down Yo Hexy!

2008-11-15T14:01:00.000-07:00

Free dog

2008-10-15T20:45:00.001-06:00

I need a favor!!

My neighbor has a puppy he's giving away (FREE!).
It's a Dachshund, it's house broken, and it's great with kids.

He's giving it away because his wife, June, says the dog 'stares' at her, and that gives her the 'Heebie Jeebies'. I think she is just weird!

If you're interested, or know someone who is, let me know.

Here's a picture of the dog.

An Olympic Gold Follow-up

2008-08-18T12:25:00.004-06:00

Well, it turns out that if you're smart, I mean really smart, you won't do harm to Jane.

What? Oh, never mind.

I have had in the back of my mind this past week a wonder about how the Internet is doing with all the Olympic video being streamed across her sleek exoskel.

I know you probably don't care, but here is a link to a blog explaining why we can still use the Internet after an onslaught of use this past week. Hit the jump here.

Oh, by the way, I was very disappointed when I wanted to stream one of the Olympic baseball games the other night that I had to claim usership of one of NBC's ISP partners. This is just plain silly. Why not let the folks have the content without any hassle NBC and its partners?

Slow Mo Makes Me Giggle

2008-08-09T23:29:00.004-06:00

I Couldn't Resist

2008-08-09T23:01:00.005-06:00

I absolutely have to have this one.

perpetual kid

A Boost for the Roost

2008-08-09T22:34:00.011-06:00

My kids are short...well, they are female, so in reality that makes them petite.

I'm glad I stumbled upon this. The DexKnows.com we have bookmarked won't boost any body at the table like the old phone books used to.

perpetual kid

The Olympics

2008-08-07T16:21:00.007-06:00

My poor wife. She has heard me complain about the Olympics since before we were married. It's to the point she stops me before I even start.

Okay, I couldn't do it.

No, yes I can.

First, the Olympics are for amateurs, right? Yet, without all the corporate and governmental sponsorships no one would have time to train. They'd have to work like you and me. So, the Olympics are not for amateurs after all. It's a quasi-amateur event. It's false advertising to say these athletes are amateurs. My city's softball league is for amateurs.

Second, the Olympics are dirty, and I don't mean The Godfather dirty, it's worse. No self respecting government would engage in its propagation. But, you've gotta stoop to their level, because everyone is doing it. It's dirty.

Third, I'm done talking about the 2002 Winter Olympics. No one cares that Salt Lake County and the State of Utah did lots of hoodwinking to pull them off. Beijing is too, and every other municipality that's had the games, as will every future municipality. Just tell us straight up what it is costing us. Please!?

Fourth, the Beijing Olympics. I've read how the events have more access now because of the Internet. If you're reading this August 11th or 12th, 2008, the Internet is solid, and will never die. More people are expected to watch on line than on TV for the first time.

Finally, what it comes down to is the hype. I just can't stand the hype. Please stop!

Okay! Okay! I'll watch, I'll watch; just, stop with the non-sense already. That being said, when Provo gets the Olympics I'm out'a here!

It Must Be True

2008-08-05T09:36:00.000-06:00

The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?

It Must Be True

2008-08-05T09:33:00.001-06:00

Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013

It Must Be True

2008-08-05T09:31:00.000-06:00

Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

Skip Caray

2008-08-04T08:19:00.002-06:00

Skip Caray passed away yesterday. He re-joins Ernie Johnson in the booth for the now Spirit World only TBS broadcasts of Braves games. If you don't have Sports South or Peachtree TV you'll know what I'm referring to. (TBS stopped broadcasting Braves games the end of last season.) I understand they are keeping a chair open for Pete.

Four Songs & My Dad

2008-07-31T22:43:00.005-06:00

It's always risky paying tribute to the living--they may live just long enough to disappoint you before the end. So, this really isn't a tribute, more like a, "Hey, I thought of you, and this is what I thought."

I have four songs that I thought about this evening that remind me of my Dad. And since there was no fanfare to welcome him home from, well, Hell, I'll go ahead and share them with the world.

There are a couple Harry Chapin songs I wanted to include, but it turns out that I don't have them. (SHOCK!) I know Luke or Nate have them, though.

Anyway, the first song is a song called Little Boxes. It's a hippy folk song that runs through my head whenever I see houses being built. Listen to Little Boxes here.

The second song is one I have always associated with my Dad. In fact, the whole album is associated with him. The song is kind'a sad, but hopeful at the same time. And now that Dad is home from, Hell, and it's monsoon season where he lives, he can appreciate Rusting In The Rain much more. Listen to Rusting In The Rain here.

The third song is a tune sung by Peter, Paul and Mary. The lyrics depict a father giving his son a gift. This gift is literally impossible to identify, but it works, it does its thing, and the gift does its thing to the constant amazement of everyone who comes in contact with it. I like to think that my Dad gave me this gift, and I know I must have passed it along to my girls; though, being female they will probably figure the damned thing out, and then I'll be in really, big trouble. Listen to The Marvelous Toy here.

Finally, when I paid attention to this song, I was finding myself thinking, "This guy is talking to my Dad. Weird." And then, I wanted to talk to my Dad, but it was 10:15pm, and he's been a sleep now for two hours. So, I decided to write this blog entry, share some good music with you, and let my Dad sleep. Listen to Race Among The Ruins here.

I'm Suprised at His Learn'n Too

2008-07-30T15:17:00.004-06:00

Some days, 5% sounds like a really good deal.

This about sums it up for me!

2008-07-02T11:34:00.007-06:00

A big shout out to all those who helped me tear off the two layers of roofing on my house last week. It was equally bogus and excellent. But most importantly, I hope we all came away with a big, full on, robot chubby. I know I did.

To illustrate, here's a Bill and Ted adventure graph showing the quality quotient of our overall experience.

more graph humor and song chart memes

My Home

2008-07-01T16:30:00.004-06:00

I have lived in several homes in my life. Had some good ones, had some bad ones, even had some imaginary ones, but the one thing I like about my current home is my family. Sure, I could say the new roof that was put on this week is what I like most about my home, but that wouldn't be the truth. My wife and kids are a clear and ever present signal to me that I am to be the best man, provider, I can be.

Yes, what I like most about my home is my family; knock on wood, I hope it stays that way, too; even if I have to leave home once and a while to go on vacation.

Summertime...? Without--video games?!

2008-06-23T15:36:00.008-06:00

"In my day, we didn't have video-games! We just sat around and watched a potata' bake!"

Elder Borge was Elder Weyland's greenie in Falkirk, Scotland when I first heard someone mimic Dana Carvey's Grumpy Old Man. I thank Elder Borge for bringing me one of the bright spots of my mission. I may have a picture around here some where of the skit us missionaries did for the Falkirk branch. Hmm, let me check.

But you know, I'll continue with my thought while I'm looking, that was the way it was, when I was a kid. We had to think up silly things to do to occupy our time. Some were harmless, some were potentially life threatening, either for ourselves or for others. Fortunately, only the bugs really suffered anything fatal. And, we had a blast!

Knighton, Borge, Weyland, Allen

This is an awesome picture. We are performing our Grumpy Old High Priests routine at the Falkirk Branch Talent Night. Elder Allen kept falling a sleep while giving his own lesson, while the three of us would argue about who's lived the longest, and who's life had been the toughest. Allen would wake up and interrupt us intermittently. Everyone thought it was a hoot. Really, it was more like Monty Python than Dana Carvey, but Dana was the one who spurred us on.

Oh, the carnage!

2008-06-21T11:10:00.003-06:00

Working on the second floor of the Vantage Building can be down right nerfarious. Note that the purchasing people are completely composed and fairly oblivious to what's going on around them.

http://view.break.com/521743 - Watch more free videos

Motion Picture Madness

2008-06-18T08:27:00.006-06:00

There was a time when all I did was watch movies, and Fox News, but movies were my true escape from reality. Some would argue Fox News is an escape from reality in and of itself, but perception is so very difficult to quantify I won't even engage the subject here.

So, on the topic of movies, then--I've seen very few movies, actually. Coming to grips with this realization makes thinking of a movie I could safely watch until the eyes fell out of my head, simple. Spaceballs.

That's right, Spaceballs. It has everything I need in an hour, forty minute package. It has every type of humor known to man, from satire to shtick to potty to physical to parody, and it's a love story... No! It's a Sci-fi love story.

It has gun play, and sword fights, and a pretty princess acting both dainty, stuck-up and butch all in the same scene, for crying out loud! The Princess Bride, my second choice, simply pales in comparison.

It has Mel Brooks, Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman, Daphne Zuniga, John Candy, Joan Rivers, Dick Van Patten & John Hurt. John Hurt played the guy in Alien who spawned the Alien. He returned to Spaceballs to do it again! Aauuww! You can't escape the surprises in this movie.

One more insight into Spaceballs. If you've seen Blazing Saddles, my third choice, you will remember the big brawl at the end of the movie where they move off set and run right into Dom DeLuise directing his "gay" song and dance production. That's Dom's minute, thirty in Blazing Saddles. Well, in Spaceballs, Dom's minute, thirty is as the voice of Pizza the Hut, the mob boss/kingpin, and Star Wars' Jabba the Hutt parody, who later in the movie gets trapped in his car and ends up eating himself to death. Oh, if only I was made of pizza, would I not share the same fate one day? But, Dom DeLuise! Who doesn't love Dom DeLuise?!

Spaceballs, all the way... 100%.

What to eat--what to eat--what to eat...?

2008-06-10T15:14:00.005-06:00

I do not try to hide the fact that I love pizza. In fact, I think pizza is nature's perfect food, or at least man's best attempt to make up for what nature has simply chosen not to grow on trees for our immediate consumption. And, I can't think of a time in my life when I've been hungry, and looking for a snack or a meal, that if pizza were available I would have said, "No thanks." So, I'm certain that if I had to eat pizza, and nothing else, for the rest of my life, I think I would enjoy it tremendously. Although, I'm with Lucas when he pointed out that topping choices matter a great deal in this scenario.

Big Laugh

2008-05-31T23:43:00.005-06:00

I had to chuckle at the whole Michigan/Florida delegates issue. I just knew the DNC would fail to do the right thing. It seems the Democrats have a nasty habit of not doing the right thing, or doing the right thing for—you guessed it—the wrong reason. To wit, today’s decision by the DNC rules committee about what to do with the delegates from the two states who chose not to follow the DNC’s rules, namely the rule that says you can’t hold your state’s primary before a certain date or else your delegates won’t be seated at the DNC convention. Of course, not having delegates seated at a national party’s convention means those citizens in those states who cast ballots to participate in choosing a candidate for the general election will not have a voice after all.

So, what did the rules committee come up with today—a compromise? WOW! Not a compromise you could be proud of, in fact, if that was what it really was. Some may argue that it was a ruling not to make a decisive ruling, but the fact that these fools decided to seat any delegates at all is laughable. You can’t allow clearly defined rules at this level to be broken and then relent under any circumstance. These states broke the rules, they are not our children, it is a kin to law these rules they broke; these rules are serious business and cannot be changed on the whim of something that looks like parental latitude!

With stuff like this it’s cut and dried, it is so or it is not so, isn’t it? Hell, you can’t even write in the rules a clause that suggests the rules may be changed to accommodate extenuating circumstances, which is what this is. No one thought the delegate count would be this close. Unfortunately, by the Democratic Party’s own past behavior, wanting every vote to count, they have backed themselves into a corner. “We have to make every vote count, but we can’t allow states to break the rules at the same time.” Hmmm, but, alas, that’s how the DNC rules committee voted: seat all the delegates but only give them half a vote each. Wait a minute, half? There must have been a hanging chad or two in there somewhere.

I loved this:

“Howard Dean, chairman of the Democratic National Committee, opened the [rules] meeting by urging party activists who filled the hotel ballroom to think beyond the immediate concerns of their chosen candidates and begin working for the benefit of the party in the general election.”

“’This is not about Barack Obama. This is not about Hillary Clinton. This is about our country,’ Mr. Dean said. ‘This is about restoring America to its greatness, to restoring our moral authority and to healing America at home. That’s what this is about.’”

The New York Times
Democrats Approve Deal on Michigan and Florida
By KATHARINE Q. SEELYE and JEFF ZELENY
Published: June 1, 2008
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/01/us/politics/01rules.html?partner=rssyahoo&emc=rss

Oh, I can hear McCain now at the first general debate just slamming the Democratic Party, and their nominee, for not having the guts to follow their own rules.

“How could we imagine a President, who got into office, in part, by their party breaking their own rules? We can’t have a President who doesn’t play by the rules. A President who pledges under oath to follow a rule and then seeks to re-write the rule to cover his or her misjudgment or mistake is incorrigible and downright unethical. Certainly his or her sin to cover his or her transgression would so deeply offend us as a nation we couldn’t bear to sit idly by.”

“Quite frankly, Mr. Moderator, as a citizen of this great and free land, I’m shocked to see the Democratic Party treating rules, their own rules, with such frivolity. If their candidate can’t become the nominee without changing the rules how can an elected President from their party function without the temptation to behave the same way in office?”

“In contrast, let me tell you what the Republican Party stands for, we stand unified in the defense of ethical fairness to all people under any set of circumstances, and we stand unified in the protection of basic moral thought and tradition in the face of any threat. This is what I believe American’s value most. We value our rules, our laws, and hold them most sacred. We do not change them to accommodate just anyone or any group who feels or claims they are just plain un-fair.”

“If you want a picture of perhaps why the United States is losing status as a “moral authority” in the world, we may well turn to the page that describes some of the fringe thoughts and values of the Democratic Party….”

Okay, well maybe I had him overreaching just a tad. Good thing I’m not running for President, but if I was, and I was one of the Democratic candidates, I’d be ducking my head in shame and embarrassment right now.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to SCREAM with excitement for Howard Dean—what a ding-a-ling.

Happy Mother's Day, Ciria!

2008-05-11T16:25:00.012-06:00

Dear Ciria,

Happy Mother's Day. You have blessed my life with three beautiful, little girls. I hope you know and can feel often from us that you are loved beyond measure.

As for me, specifically, I am so glad you married me, and in spite of all your projects and hobbies, which I think are fantastic, and which I don't mind at all (I know I'm sounding sarcastic, but I'm not), and which most women are extremely jealous of, because you are so vastly superior and talented and skilled and... Woops, I'm rambling--sorry.

Suffice it to say, you are the best; and thank you, again, for marrying me, because you and I both know that for me to catch a mate as wonderful and superiorly talented as you (and you are so beautiful, too) I would have had to marry this guy.

Yeah, not so attractive, and just a little too freaky of a knitter. Oh, and of course I'd have to be gay, or something, which I'm obviously not, but I hope you see the dilemma I would have on my hands if you hadn't come along.

I hope you had a great day.

Your hubby,

Adam

789

2008-05-06T07:12:00.004-06:00

I have three very impressionable kids. My brother, Nathan, suggested that I head on over and check out the BNL's kid friendly album, SNACKTIME. This is an example of what I found there:

...awsome!

Thanks, Nate!

Whaaaaat...!?

2008-05-02T10:50:00.006-06:00

Okay... I'm a geek, and sometimes I fantasize about having more money than I could spend in a lifetime; well, maybe two. NO! Three.

Here is an example of one of the nifty gadgets I'd have in my Galactic Mega-Empire Display Room, only mine would be 1080p or maybe even 2.35to1, and would be full sized.

See a promo video here. (Really cool.)

http://gizmodo.com/386007/r2+d2-
projector-in-action-video-verdict-a-must-have

Buy it here.

http://shop.starwars.com/catalog/
product.xml?product_id=1218818

"Let's play, Master & Servant"

2008-04-23T09:23:00.005-06:00

There's a certain nomenclature in the computer, or rather, electronic hardware world centering around Masters and Slaves. Not so much anymore because of the overpowering influence of PC (politically correct) intellectuals, but it remains a part of my world with Master Controllers and Slave Controllers to this day. Slaves do the bidding of the master that holds all the memory and programmed commands in an electronic system.

As well, it is also hard to ignore, if your perverted like me, the relationship between plugs and sockets, pins and receptacles and human anatomy. The females take in what the males have to give. Okay, I'm sorry.... I'll move on to my point, because I think you get- my point. But, along those same lines you'll have to agree that this is hilarious!

See a post about it on Engadget.com

Or, you can buy them at Etsy.com

Mit Romney

2008-04-18T20:23:00.004-06:00

I looked on in disgust as Mit Romney picked up the reigns of the 2002 Winter Games and apparently made them a successful endeavor; though, no one talks about the facilities that are still not paid for. I was not miffed at Mit's pretty boy image necessarily; he simply oozed of charisma. Small wonder desperate SLOC minions fell in line. No, what really chaffed my hide was that the State of Utah actually took care of a lot of the behind the scenes work that if not done would have done more to kill the Olympics than any "Bribery Scandel". Gesh, is it really wrong if everyone is doing it? A little fudge here and there with tax appropriations isn't wrong if no one knows what's really going on. Ooo, look! A monkey with an inner tube!

So, I was equally skeptical of Mit's run for the White House. I didn't support him because of his charm, or his religion, or his excessive use of hair products, he just wasn't a bigoted former Southern Baptist Minister, snake oil vending, over-confident X fat guy; nor was he in the "Committed, well, to a point," group; nor was he from Arizona. I'm still trying to stomach McCain, but am liking Obama less with each passing minute. But then the novelty wore off, and it became apparent that this guy, Mit Romney, simply belonged in the White House. Too bad, so sad. We will wait to see if the White Horse ever rides again.

Nevertheless, in a light hearted speech recently given by Romney, he laid out the ten reasons he packed it all in for the sake of the Party. The link is here. My favorite reason is number 5. "I needed an excuse to get fat, grow a beard and win the Nobel Prize."

Cracked me up...!

Oh, save it for the Human Compassion Channel!

2008-04-18T11:34:00.002-06:00

I'm usually not a sucker for feel good news, but on occasion I think the particularly challenged among us deserve some attention. You might have seen this. It's been hugely popular, but here it is anyway.

Polymorph

2008-02-08T23:37:00.000-07:00

Red Dwarf: Shrinking Boxers

Add to My Profile | More Videos

A Kinder, Gentler Me

2007-11-30T00:53:00.002-07:00

Here is a rare picture of me, taken in early 1994 at a P-Day excursion into a local Falkirk, Scotland kilt shop. Look at the remarkable amount of hair I had.

Funny Holiday Shorts

2007-11-30T00:23:00.000-07:00

Go here, http://cardclips.com/default.asp, click on "Mom is Santa" & "Sharing Christmas". I was sent "Mom is Santa" in an e-mail, but it's a bootleg copy of the video, so I can't legally post it on the ScratchPad. They are worth checking out, especially if you have kids.

Keep in mind, however, they may give your kids the wrong idea about the spirit of Christmas, so I wouldn't let them watch these, unless you're a very secure parent.

Electronic Music

2007-09-15T20:03:00.001-06:00

I love electronic music. I was trying to figure out when I first realized I liked it. My first thought, however, was about when I was first exposed to it on a conscious level, and I think that was in the sixth grade, so I must have been eleven.

We had to take a music appreciation class, and the music exposure ranged from Kumbia to Come on Eileen. This was 1984 after all. There was something electronic in the book, but it wasn't Eno or Vangelis, all it was was Moog whistles, whines and clicks. Literally, it made me ill.

1983/84 was a magical time for music. Pop radio played wall to wall Thriller. I remember I asked for Thriller for Christmas, believe it or not I got Lionel Richie's Can't Slow Down instead. I actually liked it, but I was disappointed that my parents were confused by which black man sang Beat It. Actually, they were painfully aware of who the freak Michael Jackson was, and didn't want to encourage me, so that was the last time I tried to be overtly BAD; you know it.

Anyway, where was I? 1984--yes, right. Van Halen!

Van Halen's album 1984 has this track on it called 1984, which leads immediately into the track, Jump. Jump was very popular and played routinely, oh every four hours or so, on Rock 103.2. The same station, incidentally, that played Dr. Demento's program on Saturday afternoons. In Salt Lake on 103.5 Dr. Demento was aired Sunday nights at 10:30. I wasn't supposed to listen to 103.2, but like crossing international boarders, I could freely indulge at a friend's house. This is the same "friend's house" we used to play power slam dunk on the trampoline moved under the basketball hoop in the back yard.

Anyway, this friend and his older brother laughed and mocked me one winter morning when we were jamming to Jump when they played air guitar and drums, and I played air keyboard. They insisted Van Halen would never use synthesizers. I was embarased, "How was I supposed to know Eddie Van Halen only played the guitar? I don't have MTV!"

So I've been confused and bewildered ever since, but until today I had surmised that it was possible to play cords like that on the ax with a little help, maybe. NOW I have proof that yes my friend, who's name I can't remember, you were wrong and I, I was right, oh yes. Eddie does know how to play the piano, and there is more than one way to cut down a tree, even he knows it.

I couldn't believe that I have never seen this video all the way through. Fortunately, YouTube exists to put my tortured mind to rest.

Look to see David Lee Roth mock Eddie by playing air keyboard. I feel so vindicated, and this video is so dumb.

Strangely enough, I think Eddie Van Halen's Jump was what lead me to appreciate electronic music on a conscious level. It was cool, not like Chariots of Fire, but Chariots of Fire was very popular. I had no other exposure, except to new wave stuff like the Thompson Twins, and movie and TV soundtracks like Harold Faltermeyer's Axel F. and Jan Hammer's Miami Vice.

In hind sight, I know I've liked electronic music before the sixth grade. I've since discovered that the theme music to Ira Flatow's old PBS science program Newton's Apple was in fact Kraftwerk's Ruckzuck. I really liked that music, and there have been others, but unfortunately it always seemed to be obscure and unknowable to a little kid living in a sheltered world like me. I love electronic music.

Small Wonder

2007-09-14T21:09:00.000-06:00

Yes, Ciria and I are parents again. Our third little girl was born back on August 18th. 19 inches and 7.875 lbs., Naomi, we call her, has the same birth day as both her grandfathers. She’s a cutie. And she burps like a sailor, so of course, I’m very proud.

Well, I have much too much to say, so I think the only thing left for me to do now is go to bed.

Goodnight!

I May Survive the Zombie Threat

2007-07-17T21:21:00.000-06:00

Have you ever seen the movie "Tremors" with Kevin Bacon? One of my favorite lines from that movie is, "We plan ahead, so we don't have to do anything right now."

You'll remember how Mr. Keaton (Michael Gross) and Reba (Reba McEntire) have a veritable fortress for a home, stocked with a vast arsenal of weapons and copious amounts of food and water. They were instrumental in saving the town, because they were prepared for any extreme situation. I'm sure they didn’t originally set out to prepare for a massive, rattle sensitive, creature infestation, they wanted to defend themselves against the Red menace.

Even scarier, and less well known, are zombies; and unfortunately, I'm not very prepared for a Soviet invasion, or a giant “Dune” like killer worm thing, let alone an over-the-top zombie apocalypse. But, at least the odds are slightly in my favor.

I do plan to rent "Dawn of the Dead" and any other zombie flicks I can find. I'll even borough "The Ghost Breakers" from my mom, just to brush up.

Thanks to Rudeboy at Modstomp for this Zombie Quiz.

56%

Ball three! Take your base...

2007-03-30T08:00:00.000-06:00

Well, I think it's taken about two days too long for it to sink in, but last Wednesday, Ciria and I found out that we are having another girl. We are very excited about our third daughter. Believe me, the less uncertainty we have in our lives right now the better.

Having children is a wonderful blessing. I was telling Ciria the other night that I can't hardly say a prayer without marveling to my Father in Heaven that he has allowed me to sire and raise children. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about it, and at first I think, well, that's just how life goes, but then it hits me--not everyone, or every couple can have children, or at best they have an excruciatingly difficult time conceiving, or bringing a child to full term, or maybe they just adopt if they can, but only after tens of thousands of dollars were waisted on fertility methods. I know specific couples in each of these situations, and I honestly understand their desires to have children, and I empathize deeply with their struggles, and am saddened to the core when I think of them. I know Ciria feels the same.

Then, I think about all the children easily born to people who make much less than acceptable parents, or to people who find their children a burden or inconvenience. This thought just makes me mad, so I move on with the notion that Ciria and I are at least trying to be acceptable parents or better, and don't subconsciously relegate our children to the stature of pest, or parasite or even necessary evil.

So, not to cheapen my joy any, but suffice it to say, I am going to be an even bigger pile of goo come August when my third daughter looks at me with those big eyes and melts me into capitulation. Oh, I'm so screwed....

Oh, Good Grief...!

2007-03-28T16:57:00.000-06:00

[Okay, I keep coming back to this with a little bit more information each time. It turns out that the group, Concerned Christians, are focused solely on breaking down the LDS belief system in an overt attempt to 1)Convince practicing Mormons that their history and beliefs are based on a series of well orchestrated or well concealed lies; and 2)Prevent any honest truth seeker from even investigating the LDS religion. It appears the group has little to offer the spoiled masses as an alternative as this group doesn't seem to profess any established doctrine other than to state their ecumenical preference for Jesus. I guess this is a pretty safe thing to do, since where there is no doctrine no one can refute it honestly or dishonestly. Nice. I'm reminded of the foolish man who built his house upon the sand. Hmmm...? Whatever happened to that guy anyway?]

[The groups founder, Jim Robertson, a former member of the LDS church, was responsible for the movie "The God Makers" way back when, which I seem to recall won an Oscar for Best Documentary that year.

Anyway, the latest attempt to sour or confuse all that is good with LDS beliefs is this DVD going around called "Jesus Christ/Joseph Smith". This presentation, as I've been reading, compares and contrasts particular statements made by the two men. Several other Christian watchdog groups have condemned the presentation as inappropriate, or worse, not at all helpful to a healthy dialog and atmosphere of Christian cooperation.]

[Thanks Jimbo, for once again proving the statement that those who leave the church can't leave it alone. You'd better make sure you conduct yourself correctly, and that your own history isn't a big, fat lie.]

Mercy already...

... I've grown weary of repeating the same pieces of doctrine over and over. Yes, I am saved, and so are you my Concerned Christian friend, that is, saved only at this point from physical death.

That's right, you and me, my fellow Christians, concerned or otherwise, and the atheist, Buddhists, and Muslims too, will not be held accountable to God for Adam's sin in the Garden of Eden. That sin brought death into this world, and Jesus Christ came to this Earth, took upon himself a body just like your's and mine only to lay it down willingly in order for him to take up life again in an immortal, physical body. He alone has the power to do this; and, by so doing has offered this gift of eternal life freely to all people of all times. This is what is called resurrection.

Say it with me ... r e s u r r e c t i o n.

Very good!

See, you can be saved in this life from physical death, and that's about all you're promised in this life, unless you are very, very righteous. But you know, that's what's so great about coming here. We have assurances from God that we will only be judged for our own sins and transgressions not for someone else's.

So don't sweat trying to save me, you should probably worry about saving yourself first from what's called, spiritual death. Spiritual death is of course the separation from God we all experience when we are born to this Earth, and it is sin that keeps us separated. Only Jesus Christ has the power to save you from spiritual death. And, unfortunately, for most of us we won't be "saved" in this life. And if you really are "saved" what are you still doing here anyway?

So, as you can see, you have no more truth to offer me than what I already possess, and if there is more truth for me, I know Jesus Christ has a mechanism to disseminate that truth. As he did in days of old, and in the Meridian of Time, he will only reveal his truth through his prophets and apostles who He has called to lead and guide His church, and that church is the one you have chosen to kick against with your "Jesus Christ/Joseph Smith" DVD.

Now, get out there and stop being so dishonest with yourselves, thinking God will bring you into His house at the last day with that attitude toward His doctrines and the Saints. And yes, Jesus can help you with that sin too, but only if you listen carefully enough, understand his teachings enough and repent just enough, because day by day we are all sinners, aren't we?

I challenge you, my Concerned Christian friend, to find out directly, rather than indirectly what I believe. You might be surprised to find that the founders of your faith have unwittingly left out important pieces of Jesus Christ's gospel that you might want to know about before your final judgment.

Bishop's Business Card

2007-03-19T08:51:00.000-06:00

A Bishop was out early one evening visiting the home of a newlywed couple.

At the downtown garden apartment where they lived it was obvious from the giggles and muffled voices inside that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks. He even called out to let them know he was at the door, but everything had gone silent. Then he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

The following Sunday his card was placed in a tithing envelope, and given to one of his councilors who in turn returned it to the Bishop. Added to the card was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: ..."

Genesis 3:10 reads, " ... I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; ... "

RICHARD JENI DIES

2007-03-12T14:21:00.002-06:00

RICHARD JENI DIES

Comedian Richard 'The Boy From New York' Jeni died on Saturday March 10 from a gunshot wound to the face. The Brooklyn born comic never made it in movies as big as he deserved to, but did appear memorably as Jim Carrey's best friend in The Mask, and dished up his own version of the notorious gag in The Aristocrats. But it was on HBO stand-up specials where he really made his mark, often breaking ratings records for that particular category. Jeni was alive when his girlfriend found him and called emergency services, but died a short time later in hospital. Police have not yet ruled his death a suicide. He will be missed.

News courtesy EmpireOnline.com

On a lighter note... Richard Jeni joins Phil Hartman in the best comedy tour in 2,000 years. If you happen to be in the spirit world next week you'll get your ticket at the gates for the next available show.

I'm very sad.

Chicken-Eating Calf Makes India Farmer Famous

2007-03-08T08:20:00.002-07:00

Thursday , March 08, 2007

AP

CALCUTTA, India —
When his chickens started disappearing a few weeks ago, a farmer in eastern India figured dogs or jackals were to blame — until he discovered his calf making a meal of his poultry.

Moloy, who uses only one name, and his 1-year-old calf have since become local celebrities, with the carnivorous cow appearing on television in India's West Bengal state and hundreds of people flocking to see them in Chandipur, a village 145 miles southwest of Calcutta, the state capital.

"To catch the culprit, Moloy got up very early ... and to his disbelief found that it was his calf which came out from the cow shed and was eating the chickens alive," Debjyoti Chatterjee, a local resident who filmed the calf eating a chicken, said Thursday.

The local veterinarian was at a loss for an explanation.

"I've never read or heard about cows turning carnivorous," said Mihir Tripathy. "They eat grass and other vegetarian food but not fish or other non-vegetarian stuff."

© Associated Press. All rights reserved.

"...and now for something completely different."

2007-03-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

This was passed to me today. It's relatively long, but it has some pretty good visual tricks that I think most everyone will appreciate.

And as always, I apologize in advance for the French. However, you have to hand it to them, they are always coming up with new and unique ways to put their linen to good use when they aren't making flags.

Enjoy!

jerome murat
Uploaded by segalier

Indy 4 Update

2007-02-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

The amazing thing about the next Indiana Jones movie is that even though Harrison Ford is 64 years old, they will manage to make him look like he's 50 again.

Here's the latest blurb from my new, favorite movie info. source, EmpireOnline.com.

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Indy 4 Filming In June

Fresh from handing his old chum the Best Director Oscar on Sunday, Steven Spielberg has revealed The Fourth Installment of The Indiana Jones Adventures will begin shooting on June 18^th. That gives the 64 year-old Harrison Ford just over four months to get into whip-cracking, hat-retrieving shape. And according to M&C, the actor has already begun a punishing training regime: "He's been furiously working out on the treadmills at a Los Angeles gym for about three hours a day to get in shape,” reports a source close to the actor: "He's on a strict high protein diet. He's eating lots of fish and vegetables. It's hard but he's already looking great for it. He wants to make sure Indiana is as tough as he always was”.

Currently, Ford is the only member of cast confirmed to star in the Lucas/Spielberg project and we’re going to have to wait another 15 months to see exactly how Indy makes his big comeback.

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And of course, if someone offered me millions of dollars to star in a major motion picture, I'd find it within myself to stay on a treadmill for three hours per day, eat nothing but fish and veggies day in and day out too.

Maybe I'll do it anyway, and call it the Harrison Ford Diet. However, I stop short at applying wrinkle cream and dying my hair, at least for a few years anyway.

Who Knows...?

2007-02-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

In an effort to provide you with the best blogging experience possible, I have changed the setting for comments, which I had mistakenly set to only members of this blog, which means only I could have left comments. I talk to myself, yes, but doing that would be stretching it, right?

So, feel free to comment away.

Die Hardererer!

2007-02-16T16:29:00.001-07:00

OKAY... You know I'm a Bruce Willis fan, right?

Bruno, I even think your music is great, and very under appreciated.

Anyway, I think I kinda look like him, which really isn't saying much since when he was my age he still had a full head of straight, dark European hair, while at age 33, I don't, never did really, but I digress.

So, come to find out "Live Free or Die Hard" or "Die Hard 4.0" is coming out this summer, and I'm rather excited. The trailer, here you go, looks compelling enough, for even the neediest of action carnivores, to enjoy bit by tantalizing bit.

Enjoy!

What have I done!?

2007-02-06T17:12:00.001-07:00

I have created a comic genius! I wish I could have laughed harder, but the joke was more or less at my expense.

Here's the situation-- Zoë was very tired and very sick last night, so I was already in a humor lull, and apparently not expecting much fun and games, and it was time for her nightly sippy-cup of milk.

I had already successfully made Kari-Lyn's milk, which I warmed up at my usual time and temperature in the microwave. Kari had no complaints. Zoë's milk was prepared exactly the same way, but she insisted it was too cold.

After a brief conversation Ciria said I should warm Zoë's milk up for what turned out to be too much time, because Zoë complained instantly that it was too hot.

Now picture Ciria cradling Zoë in a blanket while Zoë is calmly playing the human thermometer with her milk, and she's sick, right, so I'm now working on dumping out just the right amount of hot milk and replacing it with cold milk. I figured I have many years of experience with this type of activity, since I'm anal to the n'th degree, and thought I had the correct mixture.

So I hand Zoë her sippy, and she takes a swig, and in the same dead-pan way as the other critiques states, "...it's too cold," and starts to hand it back to me in exactly the same way as before, and I'm thinking to myself how can that be possible? Then, she gets this look. It's the look of I gotcha; and she smiles and giggles a bit, and I'm still processing the fact that her milk is at the perfect temperature, and she's just told me it wasn't. Hey! That's hilarious! I wasn't expecting her to josh me like that. I laughed and laughed.

Anyway, if you didn't get it, I guess you had to be there.

New Blog! Same as the Old Blog!

2007-01-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well this is like my fifth blog. Each one has been called ScratchPad Blog Blog. I have contracted with Blogger to manage the back-end of Metchenu's blogs.

I've grown lazy in my old age. Server side WordPress proved too much for my little brain. And, Blogger has the features we want without the effort.

Happy Blogging!

ScratchPad Blog Blog

The Morality of Golf...?

My Caucus Meeting Education

twitter victim

The Last Bath in the White House

President Carter's Teeth

Cheshire-Puss

I Try To Stay Silent

The Wrong Black Guy

Unconventional union confusion expected as analog TV broadcasts end

My Big Problem

T4 ***Spoiler Alert***

Is This It?

This is what Adam does when he can't sleep.

The First Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality...

I want this guy to teach my kids!

Adam Now Knows the Difference...

A Funeral Card I've Been Working On

I Love Being a Dad

Adam is Upset!

Adam's 2008 Santa Wish List

Moosebutter's Star Wars via John Williams & Warner Bros Music

Get Down Yo Hexy!

Free dog

An Olympic Gold Follow-up

Slow Mo Makes Me Giggle

I Couldn't Resist

A Boost for the Roost

The Olympics

It Must Be True

It Must Be True

It Must Be True

Skip Caray

Four Songs & My Dad

I'm Suprised at His Learn'n Too

This about sums it up for me!

My Home

Summertime...? Without--video games?!

Oh, the carnage!

Motion Picture Madness

What to eat--what to eat--what to eat...?

Big Laugh

Happy Mother's Day, Ciria!

789

Whaaaaat...!?

"Let's play, Master & Servant"

Mit Romney

Oh, save it for the Human Compassion Channel!

Polymorph

A Kinder, Gentler Me

Funny Holiday Shorts

Electronic Music

Small Wonder

I May Survive the Zombie Threat

Ball three! Take your base...

Oh, Good Grief...!

Bishop's Business Card

RICHARD JENI DIES

Chicken-Eating Calf Makes India Farmer Famous

"...and now for something completely different."

Indy 4 Update

Who Knows...?

Die Hardererer!

What have I done!?

New Blog! Same as the Old Blog!

T4 Spoiler Alert