The Wrong Black Guy

When I was ten, Michael Jackson's music finally made its way to Cache Valley in Utah. My 5th grade elementary school teacher actually introduced me, but that's a story for a different time.

For Christmas 1983 I asked my parents for Thriller--and what to my wondering eyes should appear Christmas morning in my stocking? Lionel Richie's Can't Slow Down.

To this day I accuse my parents of not being able to figure out which black guy's album I wanted, and of course they picked the wrong one.

Fortunately, however, Lionel's music was a fine substitute, and probably helped me become the connoisseur of music that I am today, in a round about sort of way.

Last year, Ciria bought me my first copy of Thriller. I guess I didn't really need it as bad as my ten year old self had thought.

Anyway, I would feel quite comfortable saying Michael Jackson possessed the same feel for the music and entertainment requirements of his time as Mozart or Beethoven or Elvis had for theirs. The world lost a remarkable genius today. He was every bit as flawed and or damaged as any in of his predecessors. Can we not praise and adore the fruits of his labor, and yet ignore the sour grapes of his behavior? I think for today I can, how about you?

After all, to die on the same day as Farrah Fawcett. What a sly dog!

So, goodbye, Mr. Jackson, and Farrah too. Enjoy your stay on that island for entertainers and wealthy people who convincingly, or unconvincingly, fake his or her own death, to live out the rest of his or her "natural" lives in a fully catered Paradise on Earth away from the public's glaring eye.

Ciria hates it when I bring up that conveniently hidden island located somewhere in the Indian Ocean, that has remained a secret for hundreds, if not thousands of years.

Unconventional union confusion expected as analog TV broadcasts end

by ADAM KNIGHTON, Orem Standard Post Technology Writer - Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:00AM MDT

The change to digital, over-the-air television broadcasts has given some viewers the impression that they can marry their television sets.

"When you're alone like me, that's my partner," Patricia Segue, 83, said about her TV.

"You're going to be up all night watching TV now," volunteer installer Rick Angles told her.

Volunteers were out in droves this past week helping individuals worried about losing their TV background noise prepare their TVs for the upgrade, which left many television set owners feeling the desire to extend life long vows of commitment and fidelity to their most dedicated, hardworking household appliances.

"When we left Patricia's home, she was so enamored by the results of the digital conversion she nearly knocked her television set off the TV tray to hug and kiss Judge Joe Brown. It was kind of disturbing, but inspiring at the same time," Rick said with a tear welling up in his eye.

After her converter box was installed, Segue marveled how digital broadcasts seemed more lifelike and gave her more channels — about 15 instead of the three she was used to.

"Who wouldn't want to be wed to someone or something who gives you so much unconditional love and attention, day after day," Segue stated. "Good heavens, if homosexuals, polygamists, cat and dog owners can marry whomever they want, why shouldn't I be allowed marry my TV!?"

A growing number of politicians and government experts are coming forward this morning stating that a life long barrage of sexual messages in the media has somehow lead many folks to believe the digital conversion is some sort of sanction of human/appliance unions. They warn that if the trend continues other types of unconventional unions will need recognition if government programs are going to keep up with the needs of an ever diverse and bizarre electorate.

"This is a welcome and refreshing bit of regulatory blowback," Carl Saive, of the Centers for Same Sex and Other Unions, gave in a written statement. "It is about time we extend the same rights to other unions that other unions have enjoyed for so long in our society."

Recent survey results reveal that roughly 2 million US households are ill prepared for the digital conversion happening today. Many high power television stations will keep a "night light" analog broadcast going for a few more weeks to give instruction on how late comers can gain the same chance at happiness that more conventional people have enjoyed for millennia.