The Last Bath in the White House

As you may or may not know, and depending on who you ask, the White House has a rather spacious master bath.

Why, you may be asking yourself, does the White House need such a large and spacious master bath? Well, do you remember President William H. Taft? If you do, then you'll have some clue as to why President Woodrow Wilson had the President's master bath renovated and enlarged in his honor.

In fact, the room is so large now you can sit a 54 piece orchestra in there right between the tub and the linen closet. It's only a good softball's throw from the toilet and bidet to the other side of the room, but I tell you, the acoustics are phenomenal, and President Wilson took full advantage.

Wilson, it's written, would get up each morning and burst out ballad after folk ballad to the accompaniment of the White House's Orchestra, as he lay comfortably in the over-sized tub that might have saved Taft's life, if he'd had one.

Fortunately, this little known tradition of Presidential "shower" ballads continues to this day, each President adding his own personal touch to the experience. For example, Nixon would warble almost uncontrollably, as if he were having an epileptic fit. LBJ, on the other hand, would hum quietly and inauspiciously. Kennedy had his bad back, which tightened up if he sang, so he hardly sang at all.

Eisenhower and Truman were warblers like Nixon used to be, but not quite as aggressive.

FDR didn't appreciate the orchestra, preferring the phonograph instead. Still, his voice would sound out like fine chocolate to scent the air each and every morning.

Hoover was a baritone, who liked to sing falsetto as he lathered himself. One morning, the White House Press secretary, George Akerson, walked into ear shot and mistakenly thought a teenage boy was using the facilities and must have been hurt, requiring medical assistance. This turned out to be one of the more embarrassing moments for President Hoover.

President Calvin Coolidge would bring in cabaret singers and just mouth the words while pretending to sing the songs himself. It was he who popularized the term, lip-sync. He used the term as an example of his laissez-faire style and general attitude toward life and the Federal Government.

Harding, unfortunately, never used the master bath for bathing, preferring instead to use the sink in the bathroom just off the Oval Office.

Since Nixon, President Ford would insist the White House Orchestra trade instruments amongst themselves, and would appear to delight in the confusion, quietly laughing to himself as he read the morning paper.

Carter had a jukebox and disco balls installed in 1978. He wasn't one to limit himself to the classics.

Reagan kept his entire equestrian and livestock menagerie in the master bath for the first five years of his presidency. Finally, in the spring of 1986, First Lady Nancy Reagan had the mess moved back to the ranch in California, and made the room her personal spa and Astrological meditation area.

President George H.W. Bush also differed to his wife the honor of using the master bath with exclusivity. Mrs. Bush, you guessed it, a warbler.

Clinton, well, let's just say he lit a lot of cigars up there when Hillary wasn't around.

George W. Bush, in the summer of 2002, stopped using the master bath suddenly. In White House transcripts President Bush is quoted as saying to his Chief of Staff, Karl Rove, "...I spent the entire night up there looking for the f**king light switch. It's damned creepy in there with out the light on. I'm never going back in there, no matter how bad I gotta pee."

And that brings us to our current president--President Obama.

President Obama has a great baritone voice. In fact, he's so enamored with his ability to sing in the bath tub, with the orchestra, as Wilson had intended, that he invited a recording to be made for the White House archive.

Here he is singing "The First Thing You Know", from the 1960's Broadway smash, Paint Your Wagon. President Obama...