Unconventional union confusion expected as analog TV broadcasts end
by ADAM KNIGHTON, Orem Standard Post Technology Writer - Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:00AM MDT
The change to digital, over-the-air television broadcasts has given some viewers the impression that they can marry their television sets.
"When you're alone like me, that's my partner," Patricia Segue, 83, said about her TV.
"You're going to be up all night watching TV now," volunteer installer Rick Angles told her.
Volunteers were out in droves this past week helping individuals worried about losing their TV background noise prepare their TVs for the upgrade, which left many television set owners feeling the desire to extend life long vows of commitment and fidelity to their most dedicated, hardworking household appliances.
"When we left Patricia's home, she was so enamored by the results of the digital conversion she nearly knocked her television set off the TV tray to hug and kiss Judge Joe Brown. It was kind of disturbing, but inspiring at the same time," Rick said with a tear welling up in his eye.
After her converter box was installed, Segue marveled how digital broadcasts seemed more lifelike and gave her more channels — about 15 instead of the three she was used to.
"Who wouldn't want to be wed to someone or something who gives you so much unconditional love and attention, day after day," Segue stated. "Good heavens, if homosexuals, polygamists, cat and dog owners can marry whomever they want, why shouldn't I be allowed marry my TV!?"
A growing number of politicians and government experts are coming forward this morning stating that a life long barrage of sexual messages in the media has somehow lead many folks to believe the digital conversion is some sort of sanction of human/appliance unions. They warn that if the trend continues other types of unconventional unions will need recognition if government programs are going to keep up with the needs of an ever diverse and bizarre electorate.
"This is a welcome and refreshing bit of regulatory blowback," Carl Saive, of the Centers for Same Sex and Other Unions, gave in a written statement. "It is about time we extend the same rights to other unions that other unions have enjoyed for so long in our society."
Recent survey results reveal that roughly 2 million US households are ill prepared for the digital conversion happening today. Many high power television stations will keep a "night light" analog broadcast going for a few more weeks to give instruction on how late comers can gain the same chance at happiness that more conventional people have enjoyed for millennia.
The change to digital, over-the-air television broadcasts has given some viewers the impression that they can marry their television sets.
"When you're alone like me, that's my partner," Patricia Segue, 83, said about her TV.
"You're going to be up all night watching TV now," volunteer installer Rick Angles told her.
Volunteers were out in droves this past week helping individuals worried about losing their TV background noise prepare their TVs for the upgrade, which left many television set owners feeling the desire to extend life long vows of commitment and fidelity to their most dedicated, hardworking household appliances.
"When we left Patricia's home, she was so enamored by the results of the digital conversion she nearly knocked her television set off the TV tray to hug and kiss Judge Joe Brown. It was kind of disturbing, but inspiring at the same time," Rick said with a tear welling up in his eye.
After her converter box was installed, Segue marveled how digital broadcasts seemed more lifelike and gave her more channels — about 15 instead of the three she was used to.
"Who wouldn't want to be wed to someone or something who gives you so much unconditional love and attention, day after day," Segue stated. "Good heavens, if homosexuals, polygamists, cat and dog owners can marry whomever they want, why shouldn't I be allowed marry my TV!?"
A growing number of politicians and government experts are coming forward this morning stating that a life long barrage of sexual messages in the media has somehow lead many folks to believe the digital conversion is some sort of sanction of human/appliance unions. They warn that if the trend continues other types of unconventional unions will need recognition if government programs are going to keep up with the needs of an ever diverse and bizarre electorate.
"This is a welcome and refreshing bit of regulatory blowback," Carl Saive, of the Centers for Same Sex and Other Unions, gave in a written statement. "It is about time we extend the same rights to other unions that other unions have enjoyed for so long in our society."
Recent survey results reveal that roughly 2 million US households are ill prepared for the digital conversion happening today. Many high power television stations will keep a "night light" analog broadcast going for a few more weeks to give instruction on how late comers can gain the same chance at happiness that more conventional people have enjoyed for millennia.
posted by Adam Knighton at
7:59 AM
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